Romantics like me are always curious about how to keep romance alive in a marriage. Some romantics wind up married to controllers or abusers instead of other romantics and soon the marriage doesn't feel loving at all. It becomes about criticism, blame, and scoreke…

This morning, a local man gave up his seat for me beside this lovely 17-year-old girl named Radna. She had been charging people 5 rupees to weigh themselves on her bathroom scale. We talked about all sorts of things. At one point, she started doing henna on the to…

When I was 13 years old, I slipped and fell and chipped my front tooth. A quarter of my tooth was gone at a diagonal angle. Gone. ancient history. I hated it. Even my tongue and lower lip hated the feel of it. I would never look better in my entire life, but until…

From 1973 through 1982, I wrote songs with lyrics and played them on acoustic guitar. Decades later, in 2009, I received an email from a guy named Jens from Sweden. He wrote to see if it was the Rick Cormier who recorded the album, "Our Mountain" and to tell me ho…

On August 7, 2013 Different Drummers had our last drum circle in Yarmouth, Maine. There was a potluck dinner, followed by a last performance by the Different Drummers Band. Before we began our drum circle, I addressed the friends who turned out for that la…

Yeah. I said "Indians". "Native American" is a white term. A Navajo joked that the term "Native American" was probably dreamed up by "some white woman at a cocktail party who never met an Indian." I have a pueblo Indian friend who says, "When I hear the word 'nati…

During my ninth summer three important things happened. I experienced my first funeral (my grandfather), my first wedding (my brother and only sibling), and my first divorce (my parents). In one unsettling summer I learned that people die, big brothers grow up and…

DEDICATION: CYNTHIA ROBINSON

Many of you were drumming with us several years ago when the elders from The Highlands first started drumming with us. For those who weren't, let me tell you the story.

I received an email from Cindy Winder, the Activities Director at …

BEST DDDC EMAIL OF 2012:

Hi all!

This week I want to talk about New Age Spirituality. I had an interesting conversation recently with someone who was telling me about all sorts of 'spiritual' people... People involved in leading everything from spiritual retreats …

A friend once forwarded me an online rant from a white, African-trained drumming teacher who criticized my community drum circles for not teaching the history of the djembe or traditional African rhythms. He claimed we were doing “more harm than good.”

Maybe he di…

The Turquoise Arrowhead

During the first few months after moving to New Mexico, while visiting the Santo Domingo pueblo I met a pueblo Indian named Robert, who made and sold jewelry. He also teaches native folklore and traditions. We talked about our move to Santa…

Joe College Meets the Prime Minister

That was my working title for the article you are about to read, and it was how I referred to the article when talking with my friends.

In 1978, I was an undergraduate student in the Independent Study program at Southeastern …

Before we were married, I saw two potential problems regarding wages. I made twice the salary that my fiancee did, and I spent a lot of personal income on musical instruments and recording equipment. Knowing how many marriages suffer over arguments about money and…

My dad was emotionally unavailable and non-communicative. He neither talked with my brother and me nor played with us. He was cold, grouchy, moody, and impatient. He had grown up with an abusive, alcoholic father and coped by living his life inside a protective bu…

I was asked, "What is the single most effective piece of financial advice you've ever received?"

We were newlyweds. My wife moved into my rented apartment because the rent was cheap. Months later, a new landlord doubled our rent. Of course, both of us made very l…

I was asked, "How Do I know I'm Marrying The Right Person?"

There are more factors and variables in this than I could cover in a brief answer, but here is my best test: 

Before you commit yourself for life, know how your potential partner reacts under stress. 

Abusive relationships

As a psychotherapist specializing in anxiety and trauma, I'll share some of what I've learned in the hope that it might help an abuse victim.

1. The longer you put up with abuse, the harder it will be to walk away.

When I work with abused …

I studied Ericksonian Hypnotherapy at Harvard Medical School.

The most impressive demonstration I saw was when our professor put someone into a trance and told them that it was 120 degrees (49c) in the room. It was closer to 68 degrees, but my classmate began to …

I was asked, "Why do I get panic attacks when I'm anxious about an important task?"

Anxiety is a normal, natural human emotion like anger and joy.

Anxiety attacks or panic attacks are not ‘normal.’ They generally happen in individuals who don’t see anxiety as a …

I'll share my favorite one: People CREATE precisely what they try hardest to avoid.

Germaphobes and obsessive types often routinely put paper on public toilet seats and let it fall on the floor when they're finished because they don't dare touch it. They don't fl…

I was asked, "How do I stop being a 'people pleaser?'"

I have a theory... a way of looking at things... that has served me well: 10% of all the people you'll meet will like you, no matter what. Another 10% will hate you, no matter what. The other 80% have no feel…

I was asked, "How have your parents failed you?"

By the time you reach my age (now 69), you won’t even dream of asking such a question.

My father was a cold, hard, non-talkative bigot who struggled to form and maintaining healthy relationships.

My mother was hi…

MY TRIP TO INDIA

In May of 2014, while 15,000 airline travelers were stranded overnight at the Dallas Airport, we met Nipanjana, a young woman from India, who was visiting the U.S. for the first time. Like us, she needed to get to Albuquerque, NM and was told she …

The question I was asked was this: "What should I do if my boyfriend is trying to force me to wear a hijab? I am willing to convert, but I'm a westerner and don’t want to be forced to wear a hijab."

My answer was: "Respect is the key word here.

When you have a bo…

I remember seeing my friends get married one by one when I didn't even have a girlfriend. I wondered what was wrong with me. Was I so unattractive? Was I so strange and unlikable? Every time I dated a girl, I wondered what in the hell she was talking about. How lo…

"Does he want to stay for supper?"

My mother was color blind. She could see and differentiate colors just fine. She couldn't see the imaginary walls our society places between people.

When I was a kid and I brought home Chinese friends and black friends, and His…

I was asked,

What is one remarkable thing you've witnessed at a funeral?

When my mom died at the age of 92, it wasn't a particularly sad or tragic death. We knew it was coming. My wife and I had driven from Maine to Massachusetts several weeks earlier to see her …

I was asked, "Why can't women go to their temples during their menstrual cycles? Can't they just go without telling anyone?"

I had a conversation about this recently with a young woman in India. She pointed out several things, including how, in her culture, it’s …