Whether to wear a Hijab

Whether to wear a Hijab

The question I was asked was this: "What should I do if my boyfriend is trying to force me to wear a hijab? I am willing to convert, but I'm a westerner and don’t want to be forced to wear a hijab."

My answer was: "Respect is the key word here.

When you have a boyfriend who doesn’t respect your wishes, preferences, or comfort level, I promise this will only get worse. You are not on the brink of a healthy, loving relationship.

Some people have argued that wearing a hijab is expected as part of the Muslim religion. I have dozens of female Muslim friends who make it clear that wearing a hijab was a CHOICE they had in their teens.

In this case, it is a control issue.

When I met my wife, I was Unitarian Universalist and she was Roman Catholic. I was one of those Agnostics you hear about who doubts the existence of gods, but doesn’t think that religion should separate us.

I remember her sitting up and saying prayers before going to sleep.

Did I believe that there was a supernatural being listening to her? No. Did I criticize her? No. Poke fun? No. Did I explain to her why her beliefs made no sense? No. I accepted that the woman who I loved had different ideas than me when it came to religion and spirituality. It was never a "dealbreaker."

My favorite color is purple. Hers is red. So what? Should I convince her that purple is better? How are religious beliefs any different? You put your money down on a number and you spin the wheel.

We’re all going to die. We’ll either be worm food or our consciousness will live forever in hell or heaven because we can’t imagine even death without our precious consciousness in the world. (Personally, I’ve accepted being worm food.)

I have not struggled in this life in hopes of eaning an "afterlife." 

When I die, if some supreme supernatural being judges me poorly because I actually thught for myself, I will gladly submit to his/her punishment because I could never “worship” such a flawed, prejudiced, and superficial being.

So I say to the Western woman whose BF expects her to wear a hijab because HE wants it, think about this: Like Jesus and Buddha, Mohammed was a great teacher. If, upon your death, Allah judges you poorly because you didn’t wear a hijab, like so many of our western gods, he was never worth worshipping in the first place.

Any time you see intolerance, be assured that these “laws” that were devised by mere humans… and not even by the best of us.

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